FarSideOfTheMoon

you never know how people would react to songs...

2010-04-15T01:23:00.000-07:00

'again?'- that was the reply i got from 2 friends when i wrote on my status that i was dwelling in 'the law of choice'. thing is, they were responding to something i did not mean. they thought i was referring to choosing a girl or something to that effect. no guys, it's not about that. it's about how i would approach seeing her with somebody else. the choice of being an asshole or being myself. and it really wasn't as big a dilemma as i thought it would be. self 1- ego 0.

i actually contemplated going to the party at first, when she told me she'll be going with her date. yeah man, who in the right mind would want to see their beloved on another guy's arms. you stoopid or wat? then i thought about the people there that i could disappoint. the whole gang of the shoot whom we have spent like more than 3 weeks together laughing, cursing, bitching and sharing our moments together. no i can't let them down. i would loved to see them there, so i guess they would feel the same as well. and i didn't want to risk disappointing her.

i strutted into the party in style, my arms waving to the tune of a r&b tune playing. they cheered, 'hey ken!' i feel so much better now, glad that i went. they gave me big hugs and i went to the bar and get my long island tea. i swept the place for the sight of her. she's not there yet. so far so good.

after a while she texted me asking if i was there yet and how's the crowd. 'just arrived. crowd cozy so far'. i dreaded the moment i would see her walking up the stairs, one hand over the guy's arm. so i posted myself out at the balcony, striking up conversations with the gang. V started talking into the mic, and everyone walked in. i parked myself as far as i could, still not sure how i would react 'when' i see her. V thanked everyone one by one. i glanced over and there she was, standing near the stairs. my heart sank. thank goodness i was sitting down. she was wearing a knee-length black dress with her hair up, with 2 seductive fringe on the front. she could easily launch a thousand ships that night. she was really a goddess. at this point, 2 options came to my mind. go over and hold her close and gave her a warm peck, or slowly slip away from the night. i didn't know if i can be there all night knowing she has a date and not follow her every move. i did neither.

before she came, i was the target of the question 'where is she?' yeah, they all think we have something going on and i should be the one she's turning up with. all i could muster was 'she'll be here later'. i didn't know if i should tell them she'll be coming with a date, so i didn't. they'll find out themselves.

'where did u go?' she texted. i was at the loo, then i realised there's no way i could be in the loo the whole night. so i met her, at the bar.we gave each other a small nod. i didn't want her to see my feelings, and i hope she didn't. i tried to be as social as i could the whole night. there was even once i held up a drink to her date, wanting to have a drink with him. he gestured he didn't have any drink with him, so i smiled and moved along. i wanted to tell him, ' hey, i'm ken. nice to meet you. you know, you're a lucky guy. don't be shy about it. no you don't have to mind me. i'm not that kind of person. she came with you, and i respect that.' since this conversation didn't take place, all i could do was tell him through my actions.

i told her i only have one word for her, and whispered it into her ears. she joked that it's actually 2 words. no it's just one word. one word which i hope she could feel, for all the things i was feeling inside. i wanted to have her more that night, but whenever i turn and saw her date sitting there alone, i knew how he was feeling, and i could never do that.

time flew by and the party people were leaving. she said goodbye, gave me a peck and left. as i was saying goodbye with the gang, a song came on and got my attention. 'thank goodness she's gone before the song came on' i thought to myself. you never know how people would react to songs...

This Year's Love

2010-04-15T00:45:00.000-07:00

this is my first post since 2008. yeah it sounded like nothing much happened for so long. truth is, i guess nothing happened to the extend of me wanting to blog again. until now. and also i find it suffocating not to express, and a certain book i read recently confirmed that. so here i am, sharing my tales, some takes part in reality, and some just happened in TheFarSideOfTheMoon.

it was at the wrap party that i first encountered this song. it was late, party people had their drinks and hugs, and said sweet goodbyes. she has already gone by then, with her date whom she came with. as i was still a bit tipsy and my sleep-deprived brain trying to make sense of it all, it came on. the melancholic piano intro. after a few bars it was his unmistakably forlorn voice that filled the room. david gray. he sings of stuffs you wish you wrote yourself. i must know this song, and went over to the bespectacled dj and asked him, 'who's this?'. the dj confirmed it, 'david gray, this year's love'. i gave him a thumbs up and swear i'll remember the title till i get home. i did, and even though the first thing i wanted to do when i got home was plunge myself into the bed, i fought the temptation and turned on my comp and searched for it. when it was done, i searched for the lyrics and wham! it's such an appropriate piece for the state i'm in! so here it is, david gray's 'this year's love'

This Year's Love:

This year's love had better last
Heaven knows it's high time
And I've been waiting on my own too long
But when you hold me like you do
It feels so right
I start to forget
How my heart gets torn
When that hurt gets thrown
Feeling like you can't go on

Turning circles when time again
It cuts like a knife oh yeah
If you love me got to know for sure
Cos it takes something more this time
Than sweet sweet lies
Before I open up my arms and fall
Losing all control
Every dream inside my soul
And when you kiss me
On that midnight street
Sweep me off my feet
Singing ain't this life so sweet

This year's love had better last
This year's love had better last

So who's to worry
If our hearts get torn
When that hurt gets thrown
Don't you know this life goes on
And won't you kiss me
On that midnight street
Sweep me off my feet
Singing ain't this life so sweet

This year's love had better last
This year's love had better last
This year's love had better last
This year's love had better last

so bad they're almost poetic

2008-01-07T20:44:00.000-08:00

i've always wanted to write about songs...u know, how they make me feel and all....so i've been paying extra attention to songs these days, but jus can't make up my mind on which one to write about...until now...
i still remember i was flipping the channels as usual n then she caught my attention, firstly because she was so badly dressed-up n all...and when the mucic starts, i knew i was hooked....i tried hard to remember the tune now but it's impossible, cause it was so bad i couldn't really tell it has any melody... along with classics like the chicken curry song and the ketchup song, this is definitely making my list of top 5 worst songs....the lyrics are so bad they're almost poetic, and it's scary to know the line is just so fine...well, ladies and gentlemen, may i present to you, the current song i love to hate....it's by robyn, the blonde swedish pop-culture 'artist' and her hit, konichiwa bitches...

can u pleeze tell me which part of it has got anything to do wif the song title?
hmmm...kinda hard to tell which swedish product is more hollow, robyn or ikea...

with my short fingers crossed, bring on the year of the rat!!

2008-01-03T09:24:00.000-08:00

now....since most things are perceived, i believe if i think big, then it will be big...that's what i'm telling myself for this year....the time has come to step up to the platform and deliver!!

2007 had been a good year for me, and i really believe there's more in store for me in 2008, if i think i'm ready..am i then?....well, with my short fingers crossed, bring on the year of the rat!!

now...to put things into perspective...i ought to make a list, or, if anyone wants it to be short-lived, they can call them resolutions..haha...
resolutions dun work cause they are not meant to....how often do u say the word 'resolution'?..it's something you oblige to mention when the end of the year draws closer and you run out of things to say with your frens...ok, for those who work with graphics and monitors they are excused cause i think they really need that word to cari makan...oh...and also if you're buying a new tv or handphone :p

so..with my digits snapping in tempo with..let's see....what do i hav in my playlist...ahaa.... the beatles' 'all you need is love' is good song to start the year, definitely...so here goes...'all you need is love' written by (john lennon/paul mccartney)

love, love, love
Love, love, love
Love, love, love

There's nothing you can do that can't be done
Nothing you can sing that can't be sung
Nothing you can say but you can learn how the play the game
It's easy

There's nothing you can make that can't me made
No one you can save that can't be saved
Nothing you can do but you can learn how to be you in time
It's easy

All you need is love
All you need is love
All you need is love, love
Love is all you need

Love, love, love
Love, love, love
Love, love, love

All you need is love
All you need is love
All you need is love, love
Love is all you need

There's nothing you can know that isn't known
Nothing you can see that isn't shown
No where you can be that isn't where you're meant to be
It's easy

All you need is love
All you need is love
All you need is love, love
Love is all you need

All you need is love
All you need is love
All you need is love, love
Love is all you need
Love is all you need
That is all you need
That is all you need
That is all you need
That is all you need

rejuvenated and sleepless, here are the things in my to-do list this year:
- bribe the cupid
-finish designing soundwise's website
-get my telemovie written and made asap
-finish writing the treatment of my feature
-make at least one short film
-save enough moolah to change car
-spend more time with family
-swim more
-stop breaking unnecessary hearts
-stop own heart being broken too frequently
-expand vocab when blogging
-blog more
-keep in touch more
-buy baseball bat for self defense
-

well.....i guess it's a long enough kua....long but doable...yup yup...
now, everyone together...1...2...3....4...
All you need is love
All you need is love
All you need is love, love
Love is all you need

the year that was

2007-12-31T08:44:00.000-08:00

well....2007 has come and gone, in a jiffy...
i must say 2007 has been rather kind to me, and i am really really thankful for that...

i managed to travel quite a lot for work and hopefully there would be more jobs for me overseas...

then...together wif 2 of my frens we set-up a company specializing in location sound, aptly named soundwise and we already finished 2-3 jobs, not bad really...

and for the last 3 months i have been directing a drama series, geng bas sekolah, which is something like the hardy boys series...each ep chronicles how the gang overcome their challenges and i really think this is a good series....in fact, it is so famous that whenever the bus passes the main shooting location, heads will turn hoping to catch a glimpse of the young stars...and even my laundry shop kakak has heard of it!!..'eh mestilah tau', when i asked if she ever heard of the series...well if you wanna sample some of the eps, just go to youtube and search for 'geng bas sekolah'...now, i didn't direct all the eps, so i can't really speak for the other directors....at first when i was approached to direct this series, i was really hesitant cause me think me not so good with kids...but i'm glad i took the challenge cause they really teach you a whole new meaning about patience...and how to remain cool even when you're not.....but i must say these kids are really not so bad....i often forget they are just kids...
shooting has somehow got tougher since school reopen and now we can only shoot on weekends..

and in 2007 i wasn't very well-behaved....as in hurting people... i must admit cupid spent a lot of time with me throughout the year, making up for lost time i guess...and boy, generous he was... so there were times when i didn't know how to handle things and ended up hurting people's feelings...now, i must say that i've never intended to hurt anyone in the first place, i always start something with good intentions... but that doesn't mean shit won't happen right?...right...
so i've learned my lesson and i'll be more careful, i promise...

and now....bring on the year of the rat!!

get well soon

2007-12-02T08:33:00.000-08:00

it was my fault
i knew it could happen, but i tried to believe otherwise... foolish me
my recent wandering eyes have finally pissed him off....and when he gets pissed, he really gets pissed....
last week when i came back from my month-long working trip and left him in the hands of another, i guess he didn't like it that much....but the truth is, i didn't ask for his opinion....
i could really feel his frustration, you know how the elders can grumble...yet i didn't take too much effort to really listen...but the grumble was really there, even my brother and mom heard it...so there was no excuse for me.....
today, when we were spending our quality time together (after 5 long weeks!!) back to kl we sang our hearts out....my throat is still a bit coarse now in fact...
then when we passed sg buloh he started to act strangely....he seemed to refuse to budge suddenly, to my horror....we were in the middle of the highway for goodness' sake, and he wanted to pull off something funny there..gosh
he started to ignore my touch....usually he would be very responsive....yes, we have always been a very good team....and i begged him to move on....just as before.....i asked him what was the matter, but he jerked my questions off and continued to act on his own....it was frustrating, and also embarrassing when we finally came to the toll booth and he decided to die on me!!....
'this is a highway!!' i said, 'if you want to throw a tantrum wait till we get home'...and so he obliged, hesitantly....in total i had to like beg for it to continue the journey for more than 10 times, after he died on me again and again, with all eyes on us along the way....
but he finally gave up when we reached our regular servicing shop....after some early diagnosis, i was told he wanted an overhaul, a top one...what can i say....
so now he has to be admitted for 2 days, my pal....and i wish him all the best, get well soon...
perhaps he really felt that my recent wandering eyes are my early indication that i want to get rid of him....well, i must admit the intention is there...and maybe i should talk to him about a retiring plan based in ipoh where life is so much more bearable and relaxing...i'm sure when he comes around from the surgery he too would like to take life in a gentler pace....

empty birthday

2007-08-28T09:04:00.000-07:00

national day is nearing but i'm in no way nearing the party mood. why?
i guess i've come to realise that if we take the party fabrics away, there's nothing really worth celebrating. as a country and system, i think we are heading backwards.

well i'm no politician nor activist, so i can't really put my finger on anything or say anything as articulately. but then again, i don't think the people upstairs are doing such a good job as well. i wonder if the other parties would fair better or worse. well, i guess there's really only one way to find out.

i hope we all could stop bitching and do our part, for the sake of the country. most things are the way they are because of our inaction.

let's make love, not war.

the green lunar

2007-07-01T12:11:00.000-07:00

a recent visit to her site kept me speechless, no i did not expect to witness such in-your-face visual of her birthday date. these things should come with warning beforehand.

my heart sank heavy. i could hear a glass nearby my sink shatter. i turned to look. no it wasn't the glass. oouch...

i tried to put words to my feelings at dat moment, and the closest i could come up with was - jealousy. yes i was jealous. i didn't expect my usual calm self to have such feelings, but i was sure i turned into a green monster at that split moment. it was simply out of my control. sigh...

but moments later when i have managed to calm myself down, it made me realised just how i'm not over her. what more can i say? what more can i do? move on? yeah, tried dat like a thousand times, no go. i mean how could anyone let go of something he is so certain of?
perhaps the answer lies exactly where it hurts.
perhaps she was never certain of me. oouch oouch.

ramli rules

2007-05-11T13:02:00.000-07:00

i asked my host to describe the McD burger he was having to me, to see if he can handle talking about food without boring anyone.

he said the people here really loves their ramli burger, which is more gooey than the McD's, which a lot of people says taste like cardboards.

i said yeah, i totally agree with that.

2 days later, it occurred to me how a lot of people actually knows what cardboards taste like.

save the storm, the thunder and the heads please

2007-05-11T11:25:00.000-07:00

it is the month of may again.

the gunners finished badly again. well, not that bad but if you are a fan, not winning is bad.

it is the month of may again.

it has been a year since love left me, officially. i'm not sure of the exact date though, hoping it won't hurt exactly. ha.

but lately i almost felt it again. love. a four-letter word i sometimes incorporate with another four-letter word, fear. and i think this time round, the latter emerged victorious. no ha.

or was it because the passion i have for the object of my affection wasn't strong enough. well, i guess a mouse would learn to outsmart the trap only to find itself cheeseless or flatten. only a handful would get away with the cheese and become immortal. i am a mere mortal.

but what really defeated me were two things. one that strengthens my philosophy and the other...well, the other was just, me...

i never fail to get disapproval when i say religions divide people more than anything else. far more than the digital revolution. at least the digital gap is getting smaller by the day.

when asked if a christian would marry a non-christian, the answer was well, there's no rule that says you can't, but it'll just complicate things, and a conflict of interests would follow suit. and good christians won't do it.

so why bother looking outside the circle? just marry a fellow christian and we can go to heaven together when we die, cause that is the only way to the pearly gates. christianity.

please send my regards to flanders when you get there ya. cheers.

'NO' was the quickest answer she could think of, when i asked if there's a possibility of her marrying someone outside the church. determined answer from a determined christian.

case closed.

i guess if this happened to me when i was younger, i wouldn't have let the case close. i would be determined to win her over, come what may. storm would come and i would somehow learn to ride it. thunder would clap and heads would roll. and i would be holding her proudly in my arms, having to survive the battle, in the end. but the price had to be paid. the storm, the thunder, and the heads would leave such horrible aftermath. and the clean up would not be pretty.

and so, since this happened to me now, all the unnessary would be done away with. save the storm, the thunder and the heads please.

a perfect evening walk after dinner would be as good as it gets. spend the whole night talking, yacking and chatting. no movies, no clubs, no sex. just verbal interchange. and walk. keep walking, it's the best form of exercise after swimming. go into a 24-hour store and get some drinks to keep the throat moist. supper? well, we can stop by a ramli burger stall. we can then find ourselves a quiet place to eat, and i'll conveniently slip my hand into my pocket and take out my sony ericsson to candle and croon us.

after that we'll keep walking. and lose ourselves into the conversation. if thugs come to rob us, we'll tell them our story and they'll promise to clear to coast for us that night. and we'll keep walking.

we'll keep talking till the subuh azan comes and goes. and then we'll part, before that making a promise to stay in touch and to meet up again. and then we'll never see each other in our lives again. the last thing that we'll both remember is the first light of the day before we go to bed, and wake up resuming our lives.

jarum halus

2007-05-06T01:43:00.000-07:00

aaron: look at him, dun even wanna look at me after last nite
khairul: biasalah beb, dia takut orang tau..bersabar lah ye....

aaron: err...a bit wider pleezz

megat: no!! dun shoot me!! i'll have to fall onto the car and mark is going to spray blood on me jus in time for khairul to get it on camera, AGAIN!! i've had enough!!

jude: yeessss...nice and slow, or else ur victim will feel da blunt pain of a blunt object hitting their neck...k now, victim, u shldn't smile, it's pain, remember?..pain...

you leave me wif no choice

you said you'll only read my palm you..you...

fiona: faster la, i wanna get back to my book..oh no, before that i hav to check my sms, it's been 3 minutes since i last check...

hmm....who is she looking at?..has the shoot started? are they not waiting for me? why am i maintaining this position?

fiona: c'mon guys, photo again? i'm here for food. is christien squinting his eyes for photo again?..urrgh..

razif: bro, u gotta listen to me...sitting on the floor won't help, if u want ur ribena u gotta ask nicely, and dun squint ur eyes when i'm talking to u, i hate it..

min yw: all these menstrual theme is not helpin my period la..urrgghh.. cramps again....jus..jus let me rest for a while, i'll be fine...

mark: no, you can't sit wif us..you poo poo in the hall, shame on you...go clean up first...

aaron: i hope he doesn't realise i'm just taking insert shots of the bed post...

this town is only big enough for one of us, so wat's it gonna be, punk

khairul: i think colin is losing his head again, really...i saw it happened, twice
just finished watchin spidey 3..and razif has lost his beard?! is it that bad that he went to shave in between?..

stephanie: yeah, u try to look tough, someone is comin over to giv u a punch, and it's not the one u drank at high school

fr the 17th april 2007, for more or less two weeks i was involved in an indie feature film named 'jarum halus'. i was doing location sound for the project, which produced by eleanor low, directed by this young chap mark tan who apparently is still a student. so in a way it was a student film, but unlike your typical student film, this had much more budget and more inpressively, a slot in gsc cinema come september. cool.

'jarum halus' is an adaptation of shakespeare's 'othello' set in modern-day kuala lumpur. mark tan the director actually shot a pitch video and showed it to gsc before they agree to give him a slot. mark tan is only 22 years young this year, making him the youngest director i'v worked with. the shoot was a lot of fun, in a way i guess it's because it was an independently funded project, so you don't have tiger-faced-flesh-eating producers yelling the house down when we took more time to finish something. it was as relaxing as you can possibly think of, most of the time i didn't have to do anything for more than 1 or 2 hours from the call time.

all the locations were in kl itself apart from one romantic scene in bagan lalang. but the beach was so bad damaged by the construction nearby i wonder if mark can save it on screen. one of the main location was mark's house in bkt damansara and i really liked the house. it had so much family feel in it and in a way i think it made us all feel like a big family in a vacation house. well, at times i guess.

two days after wrap we went for a futsal game in pj. some couldn't make it but we still had so much fun. some went home with bruises, some with twisted ankles but all went home with a warm and sweet memory. ha. to add icing on the cake, one day after futsal mark's father bought us all tickets to watch spiderman 3 at midvalley. he 'pao' the whole gold class hall and again we had fun. but the movie it self is another story, i think most of us thought it was just so-so.

after the movie we went for our official wrap dinner at his buffet place called 'talipon' in kelana jaya. they have a stove on each table and you can choose to grill or steamboat your food. it is very unhealthy and i can already feel i am 5 days shorter of my life. but again it was much fun. ha. after that we had a quick visit to bar blonde along the asian heritage row. generally the music wasn't much of my cup of tea, and the crowd wasn't that happenin also. we left about 2am and eleanor suggested that we head back to mark's place for some card games and more drinking. when we got there, there were only eleanor, mark, aaron and mua. the rest had decided to call it a night. so the four of us played some 'cho tai ti' until church got the better of mark. he really wanted to go home cause he has to wake up for church. understood, it's sunday and i really think we should thank god for this production to go so smoothly.

Jarum Halus

producer :eleanor low
writer/director :mark tan
assistant director :khairul
production manager : ben

cast :christien new, razif hashim, juliana ibrahim, farah putri, megat, justin, stephanie chai, dato rahim razali, helmi, etc

acting coach :colin

director of photography: aaron chung
gaffer :lim min yw
grip :jude
location sound :ken kin (soundwise)
conti :fiona tan
make-up/wardrobe :yoke ping, belle
production assistant :angerine, siou yu

sterile nation

2007-04-16T19:24:00.000-07:00

i spent 12 days in singapore in april for a job. they couldn't tell me the details of the job beforehand, just that it was a bmx event. so i figured it must be about some kiasu singaporens wannabes tryin to ride like the pros. and so i went. on the 1st day we reported to work, the line producer told us that since the park is not fully rigged up yet, we can take the day off. and so we went sight-seeing.

i have never been in singapore for more than 3 days before this trip, so i was eager to see what this neighbour has to offer.
clean. the same impression this neighbour always gives me everytime i step onto its land.

the event was at an empty park outside the lavendar station, and to save money, chong and i decided to stay at this motel along balestial road which also offers hourly booking. hmm. and because were going to stay there for more than a week, we were eligible for some discount. all in all, the room was priced at SGD51 per night. not bad. only thing was we need to get up like 2 hours earlier everyday to take either the bus or mrt to the park.

i was blown away when found out that the event was actually a competiton with the international bmx riders taking part. it was called 'metro bmx jam' and it was the first time it was held outside of canada. so it was really a competition with who's who of the bmx world. i must admit i'm not a bmx rider myself. nonetheless, bmx is perhaps the only x-games sport i would really sit down and watch. and that is partly because of this legend called dave mirra. when i learned that we were going to interview him, my knees went weak for a second. dave mirra. you mean we are going to interview my hero? you must be joking.

no they were not.

i tried to look cool when the man stepped in the room for the interview. i reached out my hand and went, 'hey dave, nice to meet you' and was returned with a firm hand shake. to the uninitiated, dave mirra is really the living legend of bmx riding. he has won everything there is and have recently came out with his own own bmx brand Mirraco. he is also the current gold medal record holder of the x-games. after the interview, i passed my camera to chong and went up to dave. 'can i have a photo with you?' 'sure, of course'.
one thing off my wish list :)

then chong also decided to be a fan last minute.

then the competition started, fast and furious. believe me, it is so true when they say watching a bmx event on tv is an understatement of the sport. you just can't believe your eyes how these big-size mat sallehs throw their bikes in the air and somehow manage to land perfectly on the two wheels. speechless.

to everyone's horror, dave mirra twisted his ankle during the warm-up, thus unable to take part at all. but the younger guys were so fearless trying to upstage each other that many were actually injured in certain stages of the competition.

after 'metro bmx jam', there was another competiton called 'P.I.G.' and it took place in sentosa island. i remembered going to sentosa island with my auntie when i was still a kid, but could not recall any images of the island. so this time round was entirely a new experience. to my amazement, there were a few man-made beaches where 'P.I.G.' took place. i couldn't help but to feel sorry to see these fake beaches before my eyes. but what was sadder was these singaporeans kids playing and getting sun bath along the 'beach'. i wonder if they ever saw a real beach before. about 1 km from these fake beaches were big-ass ships waiting to unload their goods at the nearby port, so i really donno how they can believe they were in a beach paradise! sigh..

now, more of my takes on singapore.

still very clean. perhaps too 'clean' at times i might say. the food generally was bad, especially those in shopping mall food courts. but they all looked so good! yes, everything was so glossy you wonder if they waxed their food. but i must say what really took me by surprise were these two hawker delicasies which chong introduced me to. kuey-chak and sui-kuo. i've never had them before and i really dun mind going back to this land to have them again.
kuey-c ha k: a bowl of kuey-toew like flat noodle with a plate of either vegetables, duck meat, egg, or pork meat or innards to go along with
sui-kuo: ric e-made cake s with pork and mushroom mash-u p

to my horror, the price of a pack of marlboro is SGD10.50 here!! that is like rm20+!! crazy! to add horror to my horror, they have really gross images of the effects of smoking on these ciggy boxes to remind you every time you pull a stick out of what you are doing to yourself. well i must say it's a noble idea but does it really work? the smokers here don't seem to think so. i'm just eager to see if the m'sian govt would emulate the strategy to curb the smoking habit over here.

on one of the days we managed to finish early, chong and i decided to watch movies. yes, watching films in singapore is really different. they have so much more foreign films compared to the only-blockbusters films here. and to our amazement, tsai mingliang's latest film was playing then!! shot in m'sia, the film was banned in m'sia cause it was so dirty. the images of m'sia in the film that is. it was mostly shot in the pudu area and it's about a foreign worker falling in love with a man he saved from the street. the man pulak is in love with a waitress of a restaurant run by one pearly chua. very tsai mingliang and i really enjoyed it. we also managed to watch '13 tzameti', a french film about the game of chance. 13 people stand in circle, pointing a gun to the head of the person in front of them. the gun is loaded with a bullet in the chamber, but they dun know where in the chamber!! on a countdown, they pull the trigger and see who dies. the rest will move on with the game, with fewer players obviously. cool.

in all, singapore is really a foreign land. i paid attention and realised almost 60-70% of products/brands/foods are of foreign origin. yes, tourist would love singapore cause it makes them feel at home. but why? ain't the reason to travel is to look at and understand other people's culture? and it's very obvious that most singaporeans respect the mat sallehs more than the yellow-skinned. so it's true when they say singsporeans are friendly, beacause they want to be seen as that.

so after 11 days in the land of our neighbour, i realised that i won't be looking forward to be working there permanently, or to settle down. it just feels cold, somehow. what i'm really afraid of is that with our govt's call to go global, we would somehow inevitably go down this road taken by our neighbour, the sterile nation.

life is short, really....

2007-03-19T04:00:00.000-07:00

i was at a shoot when the call came. it was jace. i didn't pick up the call, was in middle of recording. not long later came her sms, 'call me back pls'. i didn't think too much about it, thinking she wanted to ask me sumthin or asking for a favour. after a while she called again. i had to pick it up. she asked if i could talk. i said no and promised to call her back. when i was finally free i called her and asked what the matter was. she said sumthin bad happened. leong had an accident and he passed away.

what?

"leong was involved in an accident when he was driving the props van this morning. we were going back to 1-u after shooting in ulu kelang. his van was last and there was an intern with him. both passed away after colliding with a lorry. the prayer is tonight, can you come?"
it took me a while to register what she had just said. leong passed away. leong the editor. really? i wanted to ask her again but her trembling voice assured me that it was for real. so i just said yes, i will go for the prayer and hung up. still trying to digest what went into my ears.

what?

then i fully saw who leong was. he is the chubby specky guy who is very soft-spoken, too soft at times, cause he is incredibly humble. i know him first as an in-house editor at skywalker. when we became friends he started showing interests in filmmaking as well. i guess in a way i managed to encourage him to enter the astro chinese short film competition that year, which i acted in as well. he won 2nd place for it and i won the best male actor. ha. we both thanked each other just like we should.

i admit i don't really know him that well. but in this day and age, it's not hard to identify a really good fellow. kind-hearted, warm, pleasant, humble and respectful. most first reactions were how life is unfair to take away such a nice person and all. but perhaps god loved him so much he didn't want him to stay in this lousy world for too long? i'd like to think of that, really.

at the prayer ceremony were his family, friends and colleagues. most of the people who had worked on fearfactor were there as well. stories of how it all happened exchanged tongues. apparently no one knows exactly how it happened, as he was the last vehicle in the convoy and was somehow left behind from the rest. then i went inside to pay my respects. there she was, sitting with his family members folding paper offerings. yinyin, leong's girlfriend. she looked pale. defeated. i really don't know what to say to her. what could i possibly say? i dreaded the moment when i actually had to speak to her that night. it didn't happened. i just gave her a nod and she returned hers. poor thing, that was all i could feel for her.

the next day yinyin called me. i was taken by surprise and actually hesitated to pick up the call. i tried hard to standby what to say. she sounded calm. very calm. i was even more surprised. she asked if i could come for the funeral ceremony in nilai. it would be like sending leong off for the last time. apparently his parents were not allowed to attend the ceremony cause elders are not supposed to 'send' their juniors off. well, it makes sense. so friends are especially encouraged to take this last journey.

we convoyed our way to nilai memorial park. his younger brother took up the responsibility of carrying out the rituals as his sisters looked on, sobbing. after a few hours it ended. we were told to head back to the city, to our lives. i drove aimlessly, trying to back track my way to kl. i felt really lost, not only in searching for my way home, but in the whole episode. what exactly happened?

till today, i still seem to find it hard to digest the few days that happened. how could anyone just leave like dat?

the long journey home

2007-02-21T22:53:00.000-08:00

believe it or not, i spent 5 hours on the highway to get back to ipoh for cny this year. it's crazy, but it's not that crazy if you spent up to 8 hours of your life on the highyway. yes, that was the longest i heard from a fren who started travelling a little bit later than i did. i started the journey at 530am and reached ipoh, which normally takes about 2 hours tops, at about 1045am, no joke.
the cursing and complaints got weary and died eventually, there was just wasn't any energy left for that. but the cursing and complaints did resurrect throughout the holidays. the long journey home has suddenly became the topic of conversation at yamcha sessions, apart from the how-are-you-i-am-fine routine. it seemed that everyone has got their own story of the journey to tell. thing is, they all had the same antagonist, the malays.

well, it could be simply because they are the majority therefore i saw them more than the others on the highway, but i can honestly say that they easily made up 30-40% of the traffic. now the thing i tried but failed to understand is why would anyone want to be stuck in a jam? not a city-jam that eases in a while but a highway jam! this is just incomprehensible. perhaps there aren't enough of cny commercials on the tv that highlights the chinese reunion dinner is the heart of the cny and the chinese would actually want to be back home and look fresh and ready for it. perhaps the non-malays too want to have reunion dinners on the eve of cny? hmm..

the most obvious comment from anyone would be why can't they travel the next day when all the chinese have safely gone home and the highway is once again smooth. ain't it better for everyone? yes, one of the perks of being in malaysia is we get holidays from other races' holidays, which is cool. everyone loves holidays so they can go somewhere with their loved ones, no questions asked. but to hog the highway with the celebrating race is almost ignorant, yes, almost because i believe in benefits of the doubt. but is there anything else...

three weddings, a screening and a funeral, pt 1

2006-12-06T09:12:00.000-08:00

in the short span of almost a month's time, it's incredible how some of life's more significant events have taken place. it all started with childhood buddy maikai's wedding wif yilin, another fren i've known for a good number of years. the dinner was on 19/11/06 while the tea ceremony was on 22/11/06.
i've known maikai since std one, 7 years young, in the satu kuning class. mrs lam was our sadistic class teacher who pinches cheeks like there's no tomorrow, something like how wengkeat shows his affection towards kimling. only she added in her trademark smacks. oouch.
i remember after knowing maikai for some weeks, he asked us to call him michael. of course we were calling him cheemun back then. michael? english was as foreign as foreign to me back then, so michael seemed a bit odd to me. so i started calling him maikai instead. at least it's funnier. below are some pix i took during the period of their wedding in ipoh.

resuscitated

2006-11-08T07:44:00.000-08:00

good timing...
just when i was about to further fall into the endless pit of self-doubt, there came a sms from ah guo, the production manager for both james and mui's film i was involved in. i was invited to a party held at the coconut house to celebrate mui's achievement in busan, korea. she won the festival's best film and also the fipresci award. what a story, she admitted she was very lucky indeed.

the toast and mui gave her speech.

the amazing part of the party was mui didn't only invite those people who was involved in the films, but also almost everyone in the indie scene. it is so cool to think that she wanted to celebrate the achievement of the indie filmmaking scene on top of her own achievement.
further good news was azharr rudin's short film ' majidee' also picked up a prize in sundance. like pete teo said, 'malaysians are everywhere!'
with everyone talking about their plans and life, there came this inevitable question, 'so when is your feature?'
usually i would simply reply 'i'm writing'. it seems to be the safest answer i could think of, most of the time. but this time with all the good chi flowing in the room, and the support everyone seems to be giving everyone, i replied with more assurance.
'hopefully by next year'. it took on a whole different meaning this time.

the futsal dreamteam (from left): hardesh, seng tat, azharr rudin, ming jin, me

album signing session with pete teo (not in program list)

cast and crew of 'love conquers all' (in cinema december 2006)

cast and crew of 'before we fall in love again' (in cinema next year)

"it's damien rice"

2006-09-30T12:06:00.000-07:00

"i want you to listen to this song", he offers his earphones to her. she takes them and plugs them into her ears.

"nice, who is this?"
"it's damien rice"
"it's really nice, can i hold on to your player for a while?"

before leaving the bee farm where the shooting has taken place, the crew members make a quick stop to get some home-manufactured honey. to the amazement of the crew members, the boss has voluntarily bought everyone a bottle. everyone in the list should have one.
being the newest crew member on the set, her name does not appear in the list, so she isn't allocated a bottle. it's apparent that she feels disappointed, feels left out. seeing her predicament, he hands over his bottle of honey to her, "here, take this. i can't finish the whole bottle anyway". the small bottle of honey manages to bring back the smile to her face immediately.
"thank you so much"
"you're welcome"

it was sweet indeed.

before the van leaves for kl, he somehow manages to manipulate the seating position in the van so that he could sit next to her. not long after the van leaves melaka, he offers to swap mp3 players with her. she obliges with a smile. he wants to capture her heart with that song again and is also curious about her taste in music.

dusk comes fast and the setting sun leaves the van colder and colder. everyone in the van seems to be sleeping soundly, after a hard day's work. he slowly opens his eyes to take a peep at her sleeping next to him, again. she seems to be a bit cold, he thinks to himself. slowly, he takes off his jacket and puts it over her shoulders, waking her up in the process.
"what are you doing?"
"you're cold. take this"
"what about you? not cold meh?"
"i'm fine, you take this" he replies and goes back to sleep.

the peeping continues.

the cold keeps him awake from time to time. he turns around and finds her sleeping better with his jacket. it's all worth it, he thinks to himself, giving himself a pat on the back.

not bad music taste, he thinks to himself, grinning.

after reaching the office and finish unloading the equipments, they all head down to get home.

"you sure you have a ride home?", he asks her, hoping she would say no.
"yeah, i'm fine. it's on the way"

no more excuses to hang around, he walks her to the entrance of the office building and says goodbye. as soon as they reach the entrance, she takes a look around and turns back to him saying,

"my boyfriend is here, bye. rest well", and heads towards the car.

he says bye and walks slower than usual to his car so that he can take a better look at the car picking her up. it's a huge 4-wheel drive SUV with gleaming lights. privileged number plates thrown in.

ouch.

he continues to walk to his retirement-bound-alarm-not-working-break-thinning proton. it takes him a good third try to get it started.

ooouch...

blues never fade away

2006-09-28T09:05:00.000-07:00

after listening to muse's 'unintended' her fren jus sent her, she said to him,"it sounds sad, so better not listen to it"..."it'll pass, jus try to get some sleep"
it was somehow chanced that the current song playing in his playlist was elton john's "blues never fade away"... what are the odds? perhaps it was indeed time to immerse into the blues, once again..
in "the white oleander", michelle phifer told her daughter that loneliness is a human condition, so don't fight it, use it...
well said...
perhaps it was because the mooncake festival was near approaching, the moon was nearing to its perfect orbit, that such blue feelings seemed to be heightened... or it could be the dreams he has been having, some of them with her in the picture, in good terms...or it could just simply be that he has in fact, been missing her...like usual, just perhaps a little more this time...
ha...must be the moon...
but really, what good does all this missing do? will it change anything? should it?
perhaps it shows that no matter how many channels you have in your disposal, no matter how many films you have to watch, no matter how much information you should in fact be getting hold of on the internet, they simply can't take the place of one...
will it change anyting? he doesn't know...
should it change anything? it seems that it should...
damien has put it rather well:
Stones taught me to fly
Love taught me to lie
Life taught me to die
So it's not hard to fall
When you float like a cannonball...

2006-08-19T01:17:00.000-07:00

are you the star of your own story
the main reason your life unfolds
are you the supporter of others' stories
the reason your life plainly plays out

As he recalls it

2006-07-16T08:00:00.000-07:00

The other day his fren showed him an old photo of her dad, you know, one of those black and white ones which time have gently washed away some of its tone, but nonetheless enhanced its essense. staring at the photo, he couldn't help but to think of his own dad. perhaps it was the karipop hair style, so graciously combed to the back, something like tony leong in 'in the mood for love', perhaps even done with the same brand of oil. or perhaps it was the singlet his fren's dad was wearing in the photo, which his dad also seemed to have some collection of.
He lost his dad when he was 8 years young. so perhaps it's kinda odd to have suddenly think of someone who has gone for like 20 years. someone whom he only remembers 4 things of; buying him toys, caning him, taking him to the market, and taking him to supper at the roadside char koay toew. and perhaps, the time he saw the growth on his dad's neck and how hard it was for everyone, of course. that if he could comprehend it all then.
At the funeral, neighbours and frens consoled his mom, feeling sorry for the predicament. some of them would turned to him and say, "what is to be of this child, so young and oredi lost his dad" and so on. his older brothers would be given the unwelcomed task of making sure the family stayed intact, come rain or shine. what a task for some acne-cheeked teenagers to shoulder. and most of all, what a mammoth task for a single mom to bring up four boys, at the same time running a coffee shop left by the ill-fated husband.
Growing up without a father doesn't mean much to him, except for certain school days when people would seemed to be surprised when he told them that his dad was gone. somehow they would always have the impression that he was lying.
One day, after spending a day playing at one of his best fren's house, the fren's father offered to take him home, and he shyly obliged. sitting in the back seat, he suddenly started to see how his fren was talking to his dad in front of him. the fren's dad was talking to his son about something very mundane, as he recalls it. he was sure it was something very mundane because he was telling himself that someone who has a dad should talk about more important things. then it hit him in the face, that he would never get the chance to do what his fren was doing. talking to his dad. even about things mundane.
20 years gone, his memory of his dad remains at his 8 years young's memory. he now thinks about his dad lesser and lesser. one day, when he was shopping in the men's department looking for a belt, a saleswoman came and asked whether he was looking for something for himself or for his dad. puzzled, he looked up at the decoration and saw a happy father's day's banner. oh, it's for myself, he told her.

Coming This Summer!!

2006-07-10T13:48:00.000-07:00

coming soon to a blog spot near you.....