you never know how people would react to songs...

'again?'- that was the reply i got from 2 friends when i wrote on my status that i was dwelling in 'the law of choice'. thing is, they were responding to something i did not mean. they thought i was referring to choosing a girl or something to that effect. no guys, it's not about that. it's about how i would approach seeing her with somebody else. the choice of being an asshole or being myself. and it really wasn't as big a dilemma as i thought it would be. self 1- ego 0.

i actually contemplated going to the party at first, when she told me she'll be going with her date. yeah man, who in the right mind would want to see their beloved on another guy's arms. you stoopid or wat? then i thought about the people there that i could disappoint. the whole gang of the shoot whom we have spent like more than 3 weeks together laughing, cursing, bitching and sharing our moments together. no i can't let them down. i would loved to see them there, so i guess they would feel the same as well. and i didn't want to risk disappointing her.

i strutted into the party in style, my arms waving to the tune of a r&b tune playing. they cheered, 'hey ken!' i feel so much better now, glad that i went. they gave me big hugs and i went to the bar and get my long island tea. i swept the place for the sight of her. she's not there yet. so far so good.

after a while she texted me asking if i was there yet and how's the crowd. 'just arrived. crowd cozy so far'. i dreaded the moment i would see her walking up the stairs, one hand over the guy's arm. so i posted myself out at the balcony, striking up conversations with the gang. V started talking into the mic, and everyone walked in. i parked myself as far as i could, still not sure how i would react 'when' i see her. V thanked everyone one by one. i glanced over and there she was, standing near the stairs. my heart sank. thank goodness i was sitting down. she was wearing a knee-length black dress with her hair up, with 2 seductive fringe on the front. she could easily launch a thousand ships that night. she was really a goddess. at this point, 2 options came to my mind. go over and hold her close and gave her a warm peck, or slowly slip away from the night. i didn't know if i can be there all night knowing she has a date and not follow her every move. i did neither.

before she came, i was the target of the question 'where is she?' yeah, they all think we have something going on and i should be the one she's turning up with. all i could muster was 'she'll be here later'. i didn't know if i should tell them she'll be coming with a date, so i didn't. they'll find out themselves.

'where did u go?' she texted. i was at the loo, then i realised there's no way i could be in the loo the whole night. so i met her, at the bar.we gave each other a small nod. i didn't want her to see my feelings, and i hope she didn't. i tried to be as social as i could the whole night. there was even once i held up a drink to her date, wanting to have a drink with him. he gestured he didn't have any drink with him, so i smiled and moved along. i wanted to tell him, ' hey, i'm ken. nice to meet you. you know, you're a lucky guy. don't be shy about it. no you don't have to mind me. i'm not that kind of person. she came with you, and i respect that.' since this conversation didn't take place, all i could do was tell him through my actions.

i told her i only have one word for her, and whispered it into her ears. she joked that it's actually 2 words. no it's just one word. one word which i hope she could feel, for all the things i was feeling inside. i wanted to have her more that night, but whenever i turn and saw her date sitting there alone, i knew how he was feeling, and i could never do that.

time flew by and the party people were leaving. she said goodbye, gave me a peck and left. as i was saying goodbye with the gang, a song came on and got my attention. 'thank goodness she's gone before the song came on' i thought to myself. you never know how people would react to songs...

This Year's Love

this is my first post since 2008. yeah it sounded like nothing much happened for so long. truth is, i guess nothing happened to the extend of me wanting to blog again. until now. and also i find it suffocating not to express, and a certain book i read recently confirmed that. so here i am, sharing my tales, some takes part in reality, and some just happened in TheFarSideOfTheMoon.

it was at the wrap party that i first encountered this song. it was late, party people had their drinks and hugs, and said sweet goodbyes. she has already gone by then, with her date whom she came with. as i was still a bit tipsy and my sleep-deprived brain trying to make sense of it all, it came on. the melancholic piano intro. after a few bars it was his unmistakably forlorn voice that filled the room. david gray. he sings of stuffs you wish you wrote yourself. i must know this song, and went over to the bespectacled dj and asked him, 'who's this?'. the dj confirmed it, 'david gray, this year's love'. i gave him a thumbs up and swear i'll remember the title till i get home. i did, and even though the first thing i wanted to do when i got home was plunge myself into the bed, i fought the temptation and turned on my comp and searched for it. when it was done, i searched for the lyrics and wham! it's such an appropriate piece for the state i'm in! so here it is, david gray's 'this year's love'



This Year's Love:

This year's love had better last
Heaven knows it's high time
And I've been waiting on my own too long
But when you hold me like you do
It feels so right
I start to forget
How my heart gets torn
When that hurt gets thrown
Feeling like you can't go on

Turning circles when time again
It cuts like a knife oh yeah
If you love me got to know for sure
Cos it takes something more this time
Than sweet sweet lies
Before I open up my arms and fall
Losing all control
Every dream inside my soul
And when you kiss me
On that midnight street
Sweep me off my feet
Singing ain't this life so sweet

This year's love had better last
This year's love had better last

So who's to worry
If our hearts get torn
When that hurt gets thrown
Don't you know this life goes on
And won't you kiss me
On that midnight street
Sweep me off my feet
Singing ain't this life so sweet

This year's love had better last
This year's love had better last
This year's love had better last
This year's love had better last

so bad they're almost poetic

i've always wanted to write about songs...u know, how they make me feel and all....so i've been paying extra attention to songs these days, but jus can't make up my mind on which one to write about...until now...
i still remember i was flipping the channels as usual n then she caught my attention, firstly because she was so badly dressed-up n all...and when the mucic starts, i knew i was hooked....i tried hard to remember the tune now but it's impossible, cause it was so bad i couldn't really tell it has any melody... along with classics like the chicken curry song and the ketchup song, this is definitely making my list of top 5 worst songs....the lyrics are so bad they're almost poetic, and it's scary to know the line is just so fine...well, ladies and gentlemen, may i present to you, the current song i love to hate....it's by robyn, the blonde swedish pop-culture 'artist' and her hit, konichiwa bitches...





can u pleeze tell me which part of it has got anything to do wif the song title?
hmmm...kinda hard to tell which swedish product is more hollow, robyn or ikea...

with my short fingers crossed, bring on the year of the rat!!

now....since most things are perceived, i believe if i think big, then it will be big...that's what i'm telling myself for this year....the time has come to step up to the platform and deliver!!

2007 had been a good year for me, and i really believe there's more in store for me in 2008, if i think i'm ready..am i then?....well, with my short fingers crossed, bring on the year of the rat!!

now...to put things into perspective...i ought to make a list, or, if anyone wants it to be short-lived, they can call them resolutions..haha...
resolutions dun work cause they are not meant to....how often do u say the word 'resolution'?..it's something you oblige to mention when the end of the year draws closer and you run out of things to say with your frens...ok, for those who work with graphics and monitors they are excused cause i think they really need that word to cari makan...oh...and also if you're buying a new tv or handphone :p

so..with my digits snapping in tempo with..let's see....what do i hav in my playlist...ahaa.... the beatles' 'all you need is love' is good song to start the year, definitely...so here goes...'all you need is love' written by (john lennon/paul mccartney)

love, love, love
Love, love, love
Love, love, love

There's nothing you can do that can't be done
Nothing you can sing that can't be sung
Nothing you can say but you can learn how the play the game
It's easy

There's nothing you can make that can't me made
No one you can save that can't be saved
Nothing you can do but you can learn how to be you in time
It's easy

All you need is love
All you need is love
All you need is love, love
Love is all you need

Love, love, love
Love, love, love
Love, love, love

All you need is love
All you need is love
All you need is love, love
Love is all you need

There's nothing you can know that isn't known
Nothing you can see that isn't shown
No where you can be that isn't where you're meant to be
It's easy

All you need is love
All you need is love
All you need is love, love
Love is all you need

All you need is love
All you need is love
All you need is love, love
Love is all you need
Love is all you need
That is all you need
That is all you need
That is all you need
That is all you need

rejuvenated and sleepless, here are the things in my to-do list this year:
- bribe the cupid
-finish designing soundwise's website
-get my telemovie written and made asap
-finish writing the treatment of my feature
-make at least one short film
-save enough moolah to change car
-spend more time with family
-swim more
-stop breaking unnecessary hearts
-stop own heart being broken too frequently
-expand vocab when blogging
-blog more
-keep in touch more
-buy baseball bat for self defense
-

well.....i guess it's a long enough kua....long but doable...yup yup...
now, everyone together...1...2...3....4...
All you need is love
All you need is love
All you need is love, love
Love is all you need

the year that was

well....2007 has come and gone, in a jiffy...
i must say 2007 has been rather kind to me, and i am really really thankful for that...

i managed to travel quite a lot for work and hopefully there would be more jobs for me overseas...

then...together wif 2 of my frens we set-up a company specializing in location sound, aptly named soundwise and we already finished 2-3 jobs, not bad really...

and for the last 3 months i have been directing a drama series, geng bas sekolah, which is something like the hardy boys series...each ep chronicles how the gang overcome their challenges and i really think this is a good series....in fact, it is so famous that whenever the bus passes the main shooting location, heads will turn hoping to catch a glimpse of the young stars...and even my laundry shop kakak has heard of it!!..'eh mestilah tau', when i asked if she ever heard of the series...well if you wanna sample some of the eps, just go to youtube and search for 'geng bas sekolah'...now, i didn't direct all the eps, so i can't really speak for the other directors....at first when i was approached to direct this series, i was really hesitant cause me think me not so good with kids...but i'm glad i took the challenge cause they really teach you a whole new meaning about patience...and how to remain cool even when you're not.....but i must say these kids are really not so bad....i often forget they are just kids...
shooting has somehow got tougher since school reopen and now we can only shoot on weekends..

and in 2007 i wasn't very well-behaved....as in hurting people... i must admit cupid spent a lot of time with me throughout the year, making up for lost time i guess...and boy, generous he was... so there were times when i didn't know how to handle things and ended up hurting people's feelings...now, i must say that i've never intended to hurt anyone in the first place, i always start something with good intentions... but that doesn't mean shit won't happen right?...right...
so i've learned my lesson and i'll be more careful, i promise...

and now....bring on the year of the rat!!

get well soon

it was my fault
i knew it could happen, but i tried to believe otherwise... foolish me
my recent wandering eyes have finally pissed him off....and when he gets pissed, he really gets pissed....
last week when i came back from my month-long working trip and left him in the hands of another, i guess he didn't like it that much....but the truth is, i didn't ask for his opinion....
i could really feel his frustration, you know how the elders can grumble...yet i didn't take too much effort to really listen...but the grumble was really there, even my brother and mom heard it...so there was no excuse for me.....
today, when we were spending our quality time together (after 5 long weeks!!) back to kl we sang our hearts out....my throat is still a bit coarse now in fact...
then when we passed sg buloh he started to act strangely....he seemed to refuse to budge suddenly, to my horror....we were in the middle of the highway for goodness' sake, and he wanted to pull off something funny there..gosh
he started to ignore my touch....usually he would be very responsive....yes, we have always been a very good team....and i begged him to move on....just as before.....i asked him what was the matter, but he jerked my questions off and continued to act on his own....it was frustrating, and also embarrassing when we finally came to the toll booth and he decided to die on me!!....
'this is a highway!!' i said, 'if you want to throw a tantrum wait till we get home'...and so he obliged, hesitantly....in total i had to like beg for it to continue the journey for more than 10 times, after he died on me again and again, with all eyes on us along the way....
but he finally gave up when we reached our regular servicing shop....after some early diagnosis, i was told he wanted an overhaul, a top one...what can i say....
so now he has to be admitted for 2 days, my pal....and i wish him all the best, get well soon...
perhaps he really felt that my recent wandering eyes are my early indication that i want to get rid of him....well, i must admit the intention is there...and maybe i should talk to him about a retiring plan based in ipoh where life is so much more bearable and relaxing...i'm sure when he comes around from the surgery he too would like to take life in a gentler pace....

empty birthday

national day is nearing but i'm in no way nearing the party mood. why?
i guess i've come to realise that if we take the party fabrics away, there's nothing really worth celebrating. as a country and system, i think we are heading backwards.

well i'm no politician nor activist, so i can't really put my finger on anything or say anything as articulately. but then again, i don't think the people upstairs are doing such a good job as well. i wonder if the other parties would fair better or worse. well, i guess there's really only one way to find out.

i hope we all could stop bitching and do our part, for the sake of the country. most things are the way they are because of our inaction.

let's make love, not war.

the green lunar

a recent visit to her site kept me speechless, no i did not expect to witness such in-your-face visual of her birthday date. these things should come with warning beforehand.

my heart sank heavy. i could hear a glass nearby my sink shatter. i turned to look. no it wasn't the glass. oouch...

i tried to put words to my feelings at dat moment, and the closest i could come up with was - jealousy. yes i was jealous. i didn't expect my usual calm self to have such feelings, but i was sure i turned into a green monster at that split moment. it was simply out of my control. sigh...

but moments later when i have managed to calm myself down, it made me realised just how i'm not over her. what more can i say? what more can i do? move on? yeah, tried dat like a thousand times, no go. i mean how could anyone let go of something he is so certain of?
perhaps the answer lies exactly where it hurts.
perhaps she was never certain of me. oouch oouch.