you never know how people would react to songs...
'again?'- that was the reply i got from 2 friends when i wrote on my status that i was dwelling in 'the law of choice'. thing is, they were responding to something i did not mean. they thought i was referring to choosing a girl or something to that effect. no guys, it's not about that. it's about how i would approach seeing her with somebody else. the choice of being an asshole or being myself. and it really wasn't as big a dilemma as i thought it would be. self 1- ego 0.
i actually contemplated going to the party at first, when she told me she'll be going with her date. yeah man, who in the right mind would want to see their beloved on another guy's arms. you stoopid or wat? then i thought about the people there that i could disappoint. the whole gang of the shoot whom we have spent like more than 3 weeks together laughing, cursing, bitching and sharing our moments together. no i can't let them down. i would loved to see them there, so i guess they would feel the same as well. and i didn't want to risk disappointing her.
i strutted into the party in style, my arms waving to the tune of a r&b tune playing. they cheered, 'hey ken!' i feel so much better now, glad that i went. they gave me big hugs and i went to the bar and get my long island tea. i swept the place for the sight of her. she's not there yet. so far so good.
after a while she texted me asking if i was there yet and how's the crowd. 'just arrived. crowd cozy so far'. i dreaded the moment i would see her walking up the stairs, one hand over the guy's arm. so i posted myself out at the balcony, striking up conversations with the gang. V started talking into the mic, and everyone walked in. i parked myself as far as i could, still not sure how i would react 'when' i see her. V thanked everyone one by one. i glanced over and there she was, standing near the stairs. my heart sank. thank goodness i was sitting down. she was wearing a knee-length black dress with her hair up, with 2 seductive fringe on the front. she could easily launch a thousand ships that night. she was really a goddess. at this point, 2 options came to my mind. go over and hold her close and gave her a warm peck, or slowly slip away from the night. i didn't know if i can be there all night knowing she has a date and not follow her every move. i did neither.
before she came, i was the target of the question 'where is she?' yeah, they all think we have something going on and i should be the one she's turning up with. all i could muster was 'she'll be here later'. i didn't know if i should tell them she'll be coming with a date, so i didn't. they'll find out themselves.
'where did u go?' she texted. i was at the loo, then i realised there's no way i could be in the loo the whole night. so i met her, at the bar.we gave each other a small nod. i didn't want her to see my feelings, and i hope she didn't. i tried to be as social as i could the whole night. there was even once i held up a drink to her date, wanting to have a drink with him. he gestured he didn't have any drink with him, so i smiled and moved along. i wanted to tell him, ' hey, i'm ken. nice to meet you. you know, you're a lucky guy. don't be shy about it. no you don't have to mind me. i'm not that kind of person. she came with you, and i respect that.' since this conversation didn't take place, all i could do was tell him through my actions.
i told her i only have one word for her, and whispered it into her ears. she joked that it's actually 2 words. no it's just one word. one word which i hope she could feel, for all the things i was feeling inside. i wanted to have her more that night, but whenever i turn and saw her date sitting there alone, i knew how he was feeling, and i could never do that.
time flew by and the party people were leaving. she said goodbye, gave me a peck and left. as i was saying goodbye with the gang, a song came on and got my attention. 'thank goodness she's gone before the song came on' i thought to myself. you never know how people would react to songs...
posted by kenkin @ 1:23 AM
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