the green lunar

a recent visit to her site kept me speechless, no i did not expect to witness such in-your-face visual of her birthday date. these things should come with warning beforehand.

my heart sank heavy. i could hear a glass nearby my sink shatter. i turned to look. no it wasn't the glass. oouch...

i tried to put words to my feelings at dat moment, and the closest i could come up with was - jealousy. yes i was jealous. i didn't expect my usual calm self to have such feelings, but i was sure i turned into a green monster at that split moment. it was simply out of my control. sigh...

but moments later when i have managed to calm myself down, it made me realised just how i'm not over her. what more can i say? what more can i do? move on? yeah, tried dat like a thousand times, no go. i mean how could anyone let go of something he is so certain of?
perhaps the answer lies exactly where it hurts.
perhaps she was never certain of me. oouch oouch.